Cute, hot, pretty, lovely, beautiful, stunning, sexy, gorgeous, ravishing...

The how to guide:

When I laugh, I want to be cute.
At my wedding, I want to be stunning.
When I am a mom, I want my husband to think I'm hot and my children to think I'm pretty.
When I am dressed for a date, I want to be beautiful.
When I am in bed, I want to be sexy...
...but sometimes I want to be beautiful in bed and sexy in heels.
When I am wearing no makeup, call me lovely...
...and when I think of something innovative call me intelligent.

It's really not that hard, guys...

Ms. Roboto

I agree that I am the emot-terminator, but it doesn't mean I have no feelings. I just decide to not act upon them and erase them. Sometimes I lie and say "I don't like you in the same way". What good does it do the guy if he knows I like him but don't want anything? Might as well say "no", so he doesn't have wishful thinking and can move on easier.

Drama, Love, and Relationships

This Babyface song is old-school. The lyrics are simple yet meaningful, but what's the breaking point when we realize that it's not worth holding onto anymore...

It's not about who's right, or who's wrong
It's not about who's weaker, or who's strong
It's not about who's innocent, or whose fault
It ain't really bout that kind of thing at all
It's not about who does it, who done it, or did it to who
Don't matter if the both of you lose
It's really not bout nothing, 'cept for me and you

It's all about drama, love, and relationships
And when the going gets tough, you deal with it
And you dont ever, you never walk away from it
You hold on, and be strong
It's all about drama, and trust, and making it
If your somebody, mess up, you take it in
Don't let nobody come between you, you just stay with it
And hold on and be strong
And Hold on

It's not about the stupid things that we say
We're always saying stupid things anyway
It's not about the secrecy or the lies
Girl, everybody's got a secret to hide
It's not about who was it, or was she, who's creeping on who
Won't matter if the both of us lose
It's really not bout nothing, 'cept for me and you

Ain't bout your pride
Ain't bout your self
It's bout the two of you, and no one else
Ain't bout the hurt
Ain't bout the lies
Ain't bout the crazy things that's running through your mind
It's bout the love that's supposed to last and never die

Happy

So I incidently ended up watching a wedding video on Vimeo, and omg these wedding videos by Mayad Studios are amazing. Their videos actually made my eyes all teary and my heart all warm. The music, the videography, and the creativity all combined make it so beautiful and unique. If I get married, I'm hunting down these people to capture my wedding lol. I'm in love with the idea of finding true love. Check it out http://vimeo.com/15594462

Happy by Secrets in Stereo

one minute more
a thousand years
it's all the same to me

cause I'm incomplete
and I need you more
with every breath I breathe

I try to let you know
but my words get tangled up
and every time I find that I'm
outside looking in

Can't let this moment go
when you're the only one
that makes me feel the way I feel inside

lately I'm falling for you
lately I'm falling for you

I dont wanna live a day without you
I just wanna be the one that makes you happy, happy
I dont wanna live a day without you
I just wanna be the one that makes you happy, happy

I wish someone would sing this to me and mean it with all his heart, and vice versa

Stranger Danger

Random rant: I don't know why people randomly add me on facebook when we've never met. Seriously if you want to be friends, then send me a message; that's cool. If not, don't bother; it saves me from pushing the "ignore" button. Umm yeah so 99% of these people in doubt are male. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm available, thank you very much. So please don't be a creeper. It's weird that I still get friend requests from people in Wichita when I haven't been home in awhile. Even when I am, I only chill with my family and close friends. Some are from other countries; how did you even get on my page??? Sometimes I'll message these strangers back and ask if I've met them somewhere or know them. Usually they answer back and say no. Then why add me?? I get answers like "Oh because you're hot" or something retarded and related to hooking up. First of all, that's a gay reason. Try someone else; there are a lot of pretty/hot/cute girls in the world, I'm sure one will add you. Two, girls prefer "pretty" over "hot", or that's what I personally prefer. Three, maybe put in a little more effort if you're going try at all. Maybe a "I think you're cool", a "I wanted to get to know you." Is that hard? Nope.

Deja Vu

People say that one learns from their mistakes, but how come history always repeats itself in my love life?

Story of my life: Boy likes girl, girl doesn't like boy or not enough. Don't like me, not in that way anyway. People close to me should know better; they know how I am. Don't you guys pay attention to my warning signs?? I really thought I made it clear that I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment. I may be super friendly and sometimes flirtatious but I never step over the boundary of the dating line. Even when I go on dates, I make sure it's not consistent or frequent so that they get the wrong idea. Relationships just complicate things.

I'm not heartless or an ice queen; I have feelings, infatuations, crushes. But sadly I'm the emot-terminator, I start killing off those feelings and dreamy thoughts the moment I acknowledge them. I'm quite skilled at this.... I listen to my head more than my heart.

I do believe in fate and true love. But even though I know it exists, I find it hard to believe I'll find it. It's contradictory how I am a hopeless romantic yet I'm very realistic (sadistic?) when it comes to reality. Damn those movies and K-dramas; those love stories are too legit.

As a defense mechanism, I put up this brick wall to avoid relationships and its emotions. It's odd because I've never been one heartbroken or rejected; I'm really not sure why I'm so guarded, but it keeps me from getting in too deep. I know myself: I know that I get bored easily, that I'm too independent, that I can't give a 100% into a relationship, so why bother putting up with the time and emotional commitment?

What makes everyone so sure that my wall will come down? What if it doesn't? What does it mean to take a risk when I don't want to? They all say take a chance, that they're different, that they can change me. I'm skeptical because I really don't trust men. Secretly I'm a man-eater, man-hater, yet I always wanted to be a boy. The irony.

I'm very independent. Sometimes it makes me selfish because I put my own life first, I want to be able to do things that I want or need to do. I don't need a guy, and right now I don't even want one. I want to have my life figured out; I want to be happy with myself first before I am happy with someone else. Once I'm content with who and where I am, I believe the rest will fall into place. For now, I could care less bout falling in love.

I'm sorry to all those I've caused any unhappiness. I've never meant to hurt anyone nor to mess with anyone's emotions. I'm sorry that I couldn't return the feelings wholeheartedly. I want to say "thank you" for caring, for the affection, for being a good friend, for being there...

Regardless you can always count on me to be there as a friend. I wouldn't be a very good girlfriend but I am a pretty awesome best friend.

Maybe someday, someone will unlock the key to my heart.

I belong to me

It's not that I don't want to have you in my life, baby
It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right, baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

Letting Go

In the realm of relationships, break-ups happen. They happen to the best to us; sometimes they get the best of us. The honeymoon stage makes it seem like things won't ever change, but it's a sad fact of dating that things don't always work out. In the end, it's a matter of time before normalcy returns; life goes on.

Feel what you feel

There's no good in suppressing your emotions. Cry if you want and need to. Don't force yourself to act happy if you're not. Be angry if you are, scream if you want. Breakups can invoke a wide range of feelings, from deep sadness to extreme bitterness, depending on how bad the split was, the circumstances, and the timing. But whatever you're feeling, accept it. It might make you feel bad at the same time but you'll feel a lot better releasing your emotions than bottling them inside. Perhaps suppressing your emotions seems to be the fast and easy way out, but it's the denial that makes you vulnerable to break down later.

Write your feelings down/store away memories/prepare for a new start

Write in a journal; be completely honest (no filtering), store away memories and avoid memory triggers. I feel that the best way to vent is writing it away; it makes things seem more clear. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a thing, a place; whatever they are, store them in a box for the time being. Out of sight, out of mind; out with the old, in with the new. A breakup signifies a new beginning; prepare for the new and better things to come.

Space "________"

Break up means to separate, so even if you and your ex are on friendly terms still take means to break away completely from each other. Resist the urge to contact the other; don't text/call/facebook/chill right after the split. This divide isn't necessarily permanent but it should be in place until the feelings and motives are strictly platonic and genuine. Lingering feelings of either party makes it easy to relive the past and hard to let go.

Turn to friends and family

Surround yourself with supportive people who love you; spending time with them will comfort you and make you happier. It'll also help take your mind off the ex for the time being.

Stay active

Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, ultimately making you healthier mentally and physically. Plus you'll feel good and confident.

Find happiness in other aspects of your life

Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking a class you've always wanted to take, reading a book, joining a new club, or traveling, the possibilities are endless and up to you. These are things you can always enjoy on your own. Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. It's important to learn how to be happy single before dating again. If you can't be yourself and happy alone, then how can you be happy with someone else?

Acceptance/Letting Go

This means not denying the reasons, the emotions, the decision. Thinking only about the good times can overshadow the reasons why you broke up, making the bad parts seem not that bad and maybe compromisable. Sometimes breakups don't have a specific cause: sometimes people grow apart or are incompatible, sometimes it's bad timing. Acceptance means realizing that you did break up for some reason, whether good or bad; that the time is gone, there is no turning back, only moving forward. In the end, no relationship is ever a complete failure if you learn a valuable life lesson or something about yourself. Realize that every relationship is different and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk in love, and encourage your heart that there's always the capacity for greater love. Time doesn't stop, so instead of focusing on the past, live in the present, and dream about the future.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better left broken than hurting yourself putting the pieces back together...

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.